The Evolution of a Smart Ass


The difference between quick witted wise cracker and obnoxious smart ass is something that I didn’t always quite understand.  For a several year period of my adolescence I determined that my identity would be tied to becoming the group funny man, humor being a positive character trait that I could claim as my own.  Fortunately several of my best friends had older brothers and I was convincingly persuaded that I needed to knock off the crap.

She’s several years younger than I was at the time, but recently my daughter has also decided that she wants to be a “jokester”.  She doesn’t have access to a whoopie cushion or a squirting flower pin, but other old standards like pencils in her nostrils or pretending that we have a bad connection on the phone are some of her new favorites. She’s become a prolific mooner, her lilly white ass often appearing out of nowhere.  Sometimes she actually is pretty funny, other times less so. Her attempts at making me slip by wetting down the deck stairs and the multitude of objects that she uses to hit me in the junk are much less humorous.

The truth is that my sweet baby girl has been an insufferable little brat lately, and I don’t particularly care for it.

My first instinct was to blame the television. Now that she is a big girl and preparing to enter kindergarten, Alaina has decided that she is too mature for “baby shows” such as Bubble Guppies or Curious George. She now prefers “kid shows” like Phineas and Ferb, Teen Titans Go! and The Loud House, all busier, more kinetic programs that somehow seem to be played at a higher volume. Besides being slightly creepy looking now, Alvin of the Chipmunks seems much more irritating than I remember him to be.

My second thought was that perhaps she was simply seeking attention. With school being out of session we spend many more hours together, but I’m not sure that I’ve been giving her as much of my time. Just as many of the things I had planned that we “had all summer to do”  haven’t been done, many days seem to pass that way as well. I fear that without the constraints of afternoon preschool I’ve been taking our time together for granted.

As with most things, the truth is probably a complicated combination of factors. She’s getting older and starting to push boundaries, unsure of what she’s able to get away with. She is establishing her own personality and if that personality trends towards obnoxious, there’s probably nothing to blame but genetics.

Just to be sure I commandeered the remote control while we ate our cereal these past few mornings, something that I should have rightful control over as head of household to begin with. Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood was chosen over Spongebob Squarepants. More effort has been made to take advantage of this time before the beginning of school. The endless chatter has given me a two day headache, the obnoxiousness hasn’t abated much, and she ended up being sent to bed early, but at least for this week my conscience is clear.

I’m also not sure that I’m ready to let Alvin completely off the hook yet.







37 thoughts on “The Evolution of a Smart Ass”

  1. So funny because I grew up in a sarcastic family and didn’t realize the world was different for a long time. Usually if you let kids know it hurts people they start to get it.

    1. For now she is more interested in being “funny”, but if she thought somebody’s feelings were being hurt, it very well may start making a difference

  2. Like you said, it sounds like she is changing/growing and trying to find her way. Television can be an influence – for sure!
    My wife jokes that her favorite show was Max and Ruby – so sedate.

  3. Haha, sounds like she is establishing her personality. It’s an interesting time! My youngest seems to be going through something similar. However, her humour is very much toilet based. Oh joy. Thanks for linking up with #FridayFrolics

  4. It’s funny my friend was talking about her niece who has started pranking and thinks it is hilarious – we are talking putting cling film on the toilet so the unfortunate toilet users gets pee everywhere!! It must be ideas from TV shows so fingers crossed you watching the remote will help a bit!! xx #fartglitter

    1. Whatever show that idea came from needs to be banned immediately. I’ve heard of it before, but never knew anybody that had the stones to pull it. Pretty funny

  5. I know where you’re coming from with this and I think we’re on the same route! My hubby has introduced our two to “Sponge Bob” and I am pretty much horrified by it. My 3 year old saw a picture of a burger on a kids menu the other day and asked for a “crabby pattie”. I was so proud :-/ I’m sure it’ll only be a matter of time before we start to get it with both barrels too – but at least we’ll never have a dull day? Thanks for linking with #fartglitter 😉

  6. I feel your pain – my 3 year old has recently decided that she’s being funny. It’s often not so funny. The really funny thing is that she IS very funny, she’s always been funny, but the deliberately trying to be funny that she is now doing seems to mostly involve disobedience & pain!

    Thank you so much for joining us on #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next time

  7. That’s lovely! Maybe it’s a stage and she’ll experiment further with her own personality and behaviour. In any case, it’s always funny to see how kids change while growing up. Oh, and I miss some of the “baby shows”, my son is only 4 and he already believes to be too old for them. 😀 #TwinklyTuesday

  8. This made me smile. Sounds like she’s been pushing boundaries!! I am sure she’ll grow out of it and perhaps getting back into the routine of preschool will help? #StayClassyMama

  9. It’s hard you, you want them to have their own personality but you also want it to be likeable! Knowing it’s a development thing takes the edge off sometimes but it’s hugely frustrating when they test boundaries! Last few nights it’s been less pushing buttons more leaning on the damned thing!

    Our cubs watched older kids TV last week and it was a horrifying mix of Ren and Stimpy and Rocko’s Modern Life. It featured a radioactive / leperous chicken.


    1. I don’t think I know the Rocko show. Hopefully its a while yet before I do. She watched a few Simpsons episodes and got some great new material

  10. I too have always been the sarcastic/witty one and not everyone can deal with it. Some are just too sensitive. My kids are starting to show the same signs as my hubby and I are both a bit of assholes lol. Just wait until she stars picking up more and more from school 🙂 thanks so much for linking with #momsterslink 😉

    1. I think its already happening. Every once in a while she’ll pull something out and I wonder “where the hell did that come from?”

  11. Conner does some similar things just to be funny and sometimes he can step over some shoes with it. With your help though, she’ll figure it out. Popping over from #anythinggoes

  12. Definitely sounds like she’s starting to ‘find herself’ although not in the most fun ways for you! I definitely think TV has a huge influence so fingers crossed things may get a little better now you have control of the remote! Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink

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