Pain in the Nards


As we watched our five year olds madly chase each other across the length of the playground, deftly avoiding collisions with the dozens of much smaller children that made up the day’s majority, the mother of the girl that Alaina was currently running from commented that all of the toddlers were “making her ovaries ache.”

Sometimes uterus is substituted for ovaries, but it’s a common phrase, meant to symbolize a woman’s yearning to have a child. What I realized is that there is no male equivalent saying.  Had I acknowledged her sentiment by replying that watching these small children play gave me a similar feeling in my gonads or seminal vesicles, I fear that the statement would not be taken in the spirit in which it was intended.

There really should be one, a way for a man to express these feelings without worrying about getting those gonads kicked in or being escorted from the premises.

There should be, because we feel it too.  We feel that desire to return to days we’ve since over sentimentalized.  We see these littles, with their smooth skin and their bald heads, eyes wide as every new discovery fascinates and delights them and we think about returning to those days, think about starting over.



It’s why I would recommend anyone contemplating a vasectomy to make absolutely sure that you ready.  Despite my wistful tone, I’m perfectly content with my choice, the occasional stray thought aside. A few that I’ve talked to recently aren’t, and I can understand that. If you’ve never read my snip story, you can find it here on, but the short version is that it’s a very easy procedure.  I went on a Saturday morning and drove myself home with no discomfort.  There was a pinch and a burn on the side that the Urologist numbed up, a weird pulling sensation on the side that he neglected to.

The worst part is the finality of it.  It’s what kept me in the parking lot for twenty minutes before going in for the procedure and what sometimes will contribute to a melancholy moment or two while watching my daughter play.

The moments are often short lived.  The mother with the “aching ovaries” carried her little girl out of the park slung over her shoulder, screaming all the way.  Left to amuse herself, mine promptly proceeded to get herself stuck in a tree.


stuck in a tree


Sometimes it’s just a figure of speech, rhetorical musings. Others the result of a trip to the doctor and sometimes it comes from a well placed kick from a panicking wanna be monkey.  Whatever the origin, kids can be a real pain in the nards.



Life Love and Dirty Dishes

14 thoughts on “Pain in the Nards”

  1. What a great post – we always hear it from women ‘oh yes, I don’t feel done yet’ ‘I’m still broody’ but rarely do we think of it from a man’s point of view, and that’s so wrong. I love your honesty in your posts thirsty daddy! #anythinggoes

  2. It’s so true how quickly you can move from ‘Oh they’re so cute at that age!’ to ‘Oh God is it bedtime yet???’ lol. Great post #FridayFrolics

  3. I don’t think ‘broodiness’ ever goes away. I am 100% certain I don’t want any more kids, but I still go goey over babies. But you are totally write saying anything along the lines of aching or weeping gonads is just wrong!!! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

  4. I’ve never really thought of men having these broody feelings too – I have to agree though that any mention of balls would not be taken the right way lol!
    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes 🙂

  5. Love this honest post! It is the finality of it that has stopped us from having the snip at the moment. A part of still hopes that we will have another. Even though I know that in reality we are done. The screaming kids remind me of that daily! My ovaries aren’t always listening though. #fridayfrolics

    1. There is a lot that’s nice about having that possibility removed, but it’s not a decision to take lightly

  6. I’m so done I’m considering performing a hysterectomy on myself. I jest of course. But I’m done. Good to hear the procedure went well, my friend ended up black and blue, of course he told my partner ALL about it. Ffs

    1. By the end of the day yesterday I would have considered knocking on random urologist’s doors asking for it

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.