Pain in the Nards

 

As we watched our five year olds madly chase each other across the length of the playground, deftly avoiding collisions with the dozens of much smaller children that made up the day’s majority, the mother of the girl that Alaina was currently running from commented that all of the toddlers were “making her ovaries ache.”

Sometimes uterus is substituted for ovaries, but it’s a common phrase, meant to symbolize a woman’s yearning to have a child. What I realized is that there is no male equivalent saying.  Had I acknowledged her sentiment by replying that watching these small children play gave me a similar feeling in my gonads or seminal vesicles, I fear that the statement would not be taken in the spirit in which it was intended.

There really should be one, a way for a man to express these feelings without worrying about getting those gonads kicked in or being escorted from the premises.

There should be, because we feel it too.  We feel that desire to return to days we’ve since over sentimentalized.  We see these littles, with their smooth skin and their bald heads, eyes wide as every new discovery fascinates and delights them and we think about returning to those days, think about starting over.

 

 

It’s why I would recommend anyone contemplating a vasectomy to make absolutely sure that you ready.  Despite my wistful tone, I’m perfectly content with my choice, the occasional stray thought aside. A few that I’ve talked to recently aren’t, and I can understand that. If you’ve never read my snip story, you can find it here on liofeofdad.com, but the short version is that it’s a very easy procedure.  I went on a Saturday morning and drove myself home with no discomfort.  There was a pinch and a burn on the side that the Urologist numbed up, a weird pulling sensation on the side that he neglected to.

The worst part is the finality of it.  It’s what kept me in the parking lot for twenty minutes before going in for the procedure and what sometimes will contribute to a melancholy moment or two while watching my daughter play.

The moments are often short lived.  The mother with the “aching ovaries” carried her little girl out of the park slung over her shoulder, screaming all the way.  Left to amuse herself, mine promptly proceeded to get herself stuck in a tree.

 

stuck in a tree

 

Sometimes it’s just a figure of speech, rhetorical musings. Others the result of a trip to the doctor and sometimes it comes from a well placed kick from a panicking wanna be monkey.  Whatever the origin, kids can be a real pain in the nards.

 

 

27 thoughts on “Pain in the Nards”

  1. What a great post – we always hear it from women ‘oh yes, I don’t feel done yet’ ‘I’m still broody’ but rarely do we think of it from a man’s point of view, and that’s so wrong. I love your honesty in your posts thirsty daddy! #anythinggoes

  2. It’s so true how quickly you can move from ‘Oh they’re so cute at that age!’ to ‘Oh God is it bedtime yet???’ lol. Great post #FridayFrolics

  3. I don’t think ‘broodiness’ ever goes away. I am 100% certain I don’t want any more kids, but I still go goey over babies. But you are totally write saying anything along the lines of aching or weeping gonads is just wrong!!! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

  4. I’ve never really thought of men having these broody feelings too – I have to agree though that any mention of balls would not be taken the right way lol!
    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes 🙂
    Debbie

  5. Love this honest post! It is the finality of it that has stopped us from having the snip at the moment. A part of still hopes that we will have another. Even though I know that in reality we are done. The screaming kids remind me of that daily! My ovaries aren’t always listening though. #fridayfrolics

    1. There is a lot that’s nice about having that possibility removed, but it’s not a decision to take lightly

  6. I’m so done I’m considering performing a hysterectomy on myself. I jest of course. But I’m done. Good to hear the procedure went well, my friend ended up black and blue, of course he told my partner ALL about it. Ffs

    1. By the end of the day yesterday I would have considered knocking on random urologist’s doors asking for it

  7. What a great post. I agree that major family planning decisions should be taken with careful consideration, especially as a vasectomy seems like a relatively straight forward procedure, and one that is quick and easy to sign up for! #bigpinklink

  8. I read this with a wry smile. Well said Jeremy. I have to confess to not having read your snip story but it sounds like you had a smoother ride than some of those I have heard of. I am glad to say that I don’t feel the urge for anymore but rather go past playgrounds now feeling a bit smug that I never have to darken their gates again. #AnythingGoes

    1. I’m sure that there will come a time when I will re-read this and laugh at myself, wondering what in the world I was thinking

  9. What a thought provoking post. We always think of a mothers perspective, its great to hear a dad’s side on being broody! I found this read truly refreshing! #stayclassymama P.S Love the name of the post!

  10. What a wonderfully honest post, I think we all have some levels of broodiness- even after we’ve told ourselves our families are complete. We’re only human right? Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink

  11. Love this post and you’re right the equivalent phrase doesn’t quite work does it haha. We’ve debated vasectomy many times and while we are certain we are happy with 2…. There’s something about the finality of it that feels weird so while the pill is working we haven’t taken the plunge yet. Really great post xx

  12. I don’t know how people can ever go thorough with it (“the procedure”), like you say it’s so final. I think for fun you should stand in a play area telling Mums your balls ache when you see babies. Would crack me up! #TwinklyTuesdays

  13. Hahah this made me laugh, it’s so true what is the phrase for a guy?? Maybe you should make one up and start a trend….lol #daddyovariesachetoo I love that your daughter was found in the tree haha that was just like me. Thanks so much for sharing with #StayClassyMama!

    1. I turned away for about a second. I gave a lot of thought to a man phrase. Still taking suggestions

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