As we watched our five year olds madly chase each other across the length of the playground, deftly avoiding collisions with the dozens of much smaller children that made up the day’s majority, the mother of the girl that Alaina was currently running from commented that all of the toddlers were “making her ovaries ache.”
Sometimes uterus is substituted for ovaries, but it’s a common phrase, meant to symbolize a woman’s yearning to have a child. What I realized is that there is no male equivalent saying. Had I acknowledged her sentiment by replying that watching these small children play gave me a similar feeling in my gonads or seminal vesicles, I fear that the statement would not be taken in the spirit in which it was intended.
There really should be one, a way for a man to express these feelings without worrying about getting those gonads kicked in or being escorted from the premises.
There should be, because we feel it too. We feel that desire to return to days we’ve since over sentimentalized. We see these littles, with their smooth skin and their bald heads, eyes wide as every new discovery fascinates and delights them and we think about returning to those days, think about starting over.
It’s why I would recommend anyone contemplating a vasectomy to make absolutely sure that you ready. Despite my wistful tone, I’m perfectly content with my choice, the occasional stray thought aside. A few that I’ve talked to recently aren’t, and I can understand that. If you’ve never read my snip story, you can find it here on liofeofdad.com, but the short version is that it’s a very easy procedure. I went on a Saturday morning and drove myself home with no discomfort. There was a pinch and a burn on the side that the Urologist numbed up, a weird pulling sensation on the side that he neglected to.
The worst part is the finality of it. It’s what kept me in the parking lot for twenty minutes before going in for the procedure and what sometimes will contribute to a melancholy moment or two while watching my daughter play.
The moments are often short lived. The mother with the “aching ovaries” carried her little girl out of the park slung over her shoulder, screaming all the way. Left to amuse herself, mine promptly proceeded to get herself stuck in a tree.
Sometimes it’s just a figure of speech, rhetorical musings. Others the result of a trip to the doctor and sometimes it comes from a well placed kick from a panicking wanna be monkey. Whatever the origin, kids can be a real pain in the nards.