Profane When Provoked

 

Hello everyone, my name is Thirsty Daddy.

Crowd : “Hello Thirsty.”

I’m here today because I have a problem, an anger problem. It’s not that I get angry often, far from it. The older I get the less things that I seem to care enough about to get angry over them. I’ve mastered the act of “picking my battles” to the point where I’m actually afraid that I’m missing battles, that I’m slowly becoming something of a pushover.

My problem isn’t that I’m violent or destructive when angry. I’ve never hit anybody that didn’t swing first, don’t have holes in the walls of my home or broken IKEA projects that never got put together. I did get mad at myself and broke a golf club three years ago but it’s no longer an amusement that my playing partners look forward to.

 

follow @angrygolfhulk on twitter

 

No, my problem is this: I swear when angry, an avalanche of F-bombs that spew forth completely uninhibited. I use it as a noun, verb, adjective, just about in any manner possible outside of subordinating conjunctions. I swear frequently, I swear creatively, and sometimes unfortunately, I swear loudly.

Most of these outbursts are directed at the television, a politician, pundit, or newscaster igniting my wrath. Referees and officials at sporting events are also often responsible, particularly during football season. Even if its not my team suffering for their presumed incompetence there may be fantasy or other monetary considerations at play.

The dog gets sworn at a lot. A year later and he’s still not a very good listener. He also likes to grab food off the counter, chase rabbits and stand on tables. Its possible that he’s a bit confused about his name. He only seems to answer to MFer.

 

a sweary father
dumb ass dog

 

My kids? Well, that’s why I’m here today, that’s the problem. I also swear at them.  I’ve done what I feel is an admirable job removing profanity from my everyday conversation but when I get angry those expletives still fly.

Part of the challenge to changing my vulgar ways remains it’s effectiveness. Since I’m not prone to shouting or losing my temper, a sternly voiced curse word and some bulging temple veins informs the object of my ire that I’m serious. Mouths shut, steps get quickened and behavior changes. Whatever outcome I had been previously unable to achieve is suddenly successful.

 

A Sweary Father
learning new words

 

I don’t want to have to be that guy, I want people to listen to me the first thirty seven times I say something. So far the youngest hasn’t started expressing her displeasure in this manner but it’s only a matter of time. I need to be better, to set a better example and to learn to control my tongue.

There may be an economic motivator coming. While attending a picnic this past weekend our shy little girl took it upon herself to chastise an adult for telling another to “shut up.” She was reminded to keep her nose out of adult conversation but not before the amused perpetrator handed her a quarter. Apparently there is a “swear jar” in their household, an idea that appealed to her entrepreneurial nature. She’s intelligent enough to wait for the storm to pass before levying her fines but thankfully not enough to make the correlation between poor behavior and future earnings.

This could get expensive.

 

 

 

26 thoughts on “Profane When Provoked”

    1. I’ll be perfectly happy with that outcome. The teenager has sworn at me, but so far has stayed out of prison *knocks on wood*

  1. I have a friend who punctuates every sentence with a swear. It’s not said in anger, swearing is just part of his natural language. Usually, it’s an S or an F or a GD. It’s hysterical to listen to him sometimes, but I don’t take offense because he’s not saying anything in anger. But for you sir, a swear jar is a must and perhaps a conference with the family explaining that you don’t want to get angry and yell at them, but you need their help to change the behavior.

    1. I have a friend in the Coast Guard like that. He doesn’t even realize it and I just listen in amazement

  2. My boss is Scottish and, as a nation, they tend to be great swearers and have a great collection of cuss-word related slang that are completely unique. I am in awe of him. Truly.

    We also have a swear jar. It gets expensive. Good luck with changing your behaviour!

      1. I heard a character use “Twitter twat” on a show yesterday. Totally new to me, despite my skilled swearing habit.
        As for the swear jar, I’m pretty sure I *should* have one, but I can tell you now I can’t afford it. I swear far too often – in earshot of the kid – and I know it. I’m not setting a great example – and I know it. I’m glad to know other parents out there have similar concerns.
        Thing is (similar to what Heidi mentioned) I grew up hearing people swear and it never occurred to me to use those words until I was much older and I’ve never sworn AT my family. Well, maybe my husband. 😀

        1. I don’t remember my parents being all that profane growing up, but now my mother could match any sailor for language. Its kind of funny

  3. My Name is Anna and I completely understand this issue; so long as we keep it creative, we are ‘expressing’ our feelings in an artistic way…maybe? #FridayFrolics

  4. Haha – yeah it’s never good when kids come across a means for extortion! It is apparently actually really good for people’s emotional state to swear, though I think you are supposed to try to make that not actually AT anyone (as presumably it then becomes bad for their emotional state!). I love swearing, but I’m good at not doing it around the kids, and not doing it at people (unless I really want to). But my parents worked in education and I worked in law – the thing of naturally switching the way you speak in different situations and audiences is something that I have grown up with and always needed to do, so it’s just second nature for me, rather than something I do particularly consciously.

    Thanks so much for joining us for #FridayFrolics

  5. As I type my comments Jeremy, the ‘jar’ is smack dab in the middle of the kitchen table. It is filled with quarters from my little, who is almost seven, but continues to talk like a baby. The fee is for a few other minor infractions that we can’t seem to resolve on our own accord — and for me and the Mrs. when we use the ‘choice’ words to get some behaviors, umm, uh, recognized! Just started two days ago. Hysterical. #ThatFridayLinky

    1. Thats pretty funny. I would make a “fresh” jar for her but I’m not sure what we would use as currency.

  6. Great read Jeremy as you know I recently wrote about this and the point I made was not to criticise others about the way they parent. I’m just not in general a person that swears your daughter has definitely seen an opportunity to make money love it Thank you for linking to #ThatFridayLinky Please come back next week for

    1. That was part of the reason I chose this piece for the week. I enjoyed reading your perspective Nige. Always a pleasure

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