Wanting To Believe


This was an early start for me, but overall today was a pretty productive first attempt at  Christmas shopping. I was able to find a successful balance of toys that both myself and the youngest would want to play with and even bought a few things that I don’t think the teenager will hate. Left behind was the mostly illegible three page list for Santa that was scribbled sometime in the middle of October but I’m fairly certain that I deciphered enough to meet some of her requests. If anybody knows where I can find a spell book full of actionable magic I’ll pay ten copper pieces for the map.

To be honest, I was pretty happy with the stubbornness that she showed while insisting that this list be mailed north immediately, before the elves started working for the season. Last year’s skepticism, endless questions and my ridiculous answers seemingly replaced by acceptance and reminders to her friends about the locations of “Santa-Cams”, the jolly one’s surveillance network.


Holding onto belief
Hes always watching


Privacy concerns aside, it amazes me sometimes how easily she is able to mold facts into a way that fits with her narrative. She has learned fire safety in school, actually attends Girl Scout meetings in a firehouse, and knows that this is a smoke alarm. She knows what to do if it ever goes off and her mother isn’t cooking but has no problem also believing that it has another purpose, that anything remotely electronic looking that hangs from a ceiling or telephone pole is monitoring her behavior.

It amazes me, but it probably shouldn’t. Aren’t we all guilty of this to some extent, this ignoring of evidence and common sense, desperately clinging to ideas and hopes that we know to be misguided? The voice in our head that we silence because our hearts say different. The voice that we ignore because to listen invites pain, a challenge to the status quo that we refuse to acknowledge, repudiation of what we so desperately want to be true.

Sometimes this can be a good thing, the chasing of dreams and aspirations that come true despite naysayers and easier paths that could be taken. Leaps of faith and inspirational defiance of odds.

Other times it’s delusion, the flapping of arms to attempt flight as one careens over the edge.


wanting to believe
should have seen this coming


There is a balance to be found, as there is in most things. A middle ground somewhere between innocence and cynicism, optimism and fatalism.

I want my girls to believe. In Santa Claus, toy making elves, fairies and angels. To believe that people can change, that love conquers all, that stories can end with happily ever after.

I want them to believe, so I’ll continue to lie. To them and to myself.





45 thoughts on “Wanting To Believe”

  1. I laughed when I read that your daughter wants a real book of magic spells. When my son was young he wanted a wizard for Christmas one year. Thanks for the memory! I also really appreciate the lesson you pulled. Human nature doesn’t change so much as we age, I guess.

  2. Oh I am so going to get myself in trouble. I don’t actually want my kids to believe. In fact my eldest found out the truth when she was seven, very young to have her bubble burst I think. I can’t help feeling that for so many parents. Santa is about them and not the kids. it is also odd to tell your kids they should be honest and then lie to them about Santa. Christmas isn’t about Santa.

    On that note, I’ll get my coat !

    1. I get what you are saying John and won’t run you out for it. To me its all just a bit of fun, some magic for the kids while they still believe that sort of thing. We aren’t very religious here, so to us Christmas is mainly about the same things that most holidays are – time spent with friends and family. Thanks for reading mate

  3. Oh I love this post. Also, thanks for the inspiration on the whole ‘santa Is watching’ front, I will now be declaring our smoke alarm a Santa cam too as the 4 year old needs some motivation to keep his behaviour in check lately #blogcrush

  4. Oh I love this post, my 7yr old came home yesterday saying that her friend told her that Santa isn’t real and that the parents buy the presents… I was guttered. Why do kids have to grow up so quickly… what’s the rush? I love Christmas, the music, the togetherness, the Christmas spirit, the magic…. I refuse to accept that Santa is not real and decided next Christmas we are off to Lapland to visit Santa’s Village! #ThatFridayLinky

    1. It would be nice if that window was a little larger. They have their whole lives to be adults, why can’t they be this age for just a bit longer? Enjoy Lapland, that sounds awesome

  5. Well Jeremy I don’t doubt it for one minute of course it’s all real love this mate great read Thank you for linking to #Thatfridaylinky please come back next week

  6. As a child that blogs… 😉 Childhood is all about make believe and the possibility that anything can happen. Realism can stay at the door during Christmas. Popping over from #DreamTeam

  7. Oh that’s adorable! May have to tell Baby Lighty about Father Christmas surveillance via the smoke alarm when he’s a bit older. It’s so true isn’t it, we all need to believe sometimes? Thank you for linking this up to #DreamTeam and Merry Christmas!

  8. I am still undecided on my approach to Santa Clause with little Eco. He is 22 months old and associates him with Christmas but do not want him thinking Santa is the person responsible for all presents purchased in our household. For us Christmas is about spending quality time as a family and being together… not so much about the presents. #KCACOLS

    1. there are definitely plenty of good arguments against incorporating him into Christmas. I think we all try and make presents the secondary part of the holiday but it’s not easy to keep it that way, I’m afraid

  9. Luckily at 4 and 7 mine haven’t questioned it yet but we have had to explain that the numerous Santa’s they see when we are out and about are helpers and they dont actually get to meet the “real” one. #KCACOLS

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